Tuesday, November 17, 2015

17 GIFTS FOR THE SINGLE 20-SOMETHINGS, CRIME-SHOW LOVERS, & CAT LADIES IN YOUR LIFE!

Courtesy of Giphy.com

Alright, today, Tuesday, November 17, 2015 is my official half-birthday. I'm 25.5, so cheers to me! (Albeit a non-alcoholic cheers, thanks to me going on a little over month three of sobriety! Yep, you read that right, folks!) And so anywho, initially I was going to do a tri-series on the best holiday gifts out there (and by "out there" I mean the best of Google search page one) for those single 20-somethings, cat ladies, and/or crime-show-loving lovers in your life. 

However, I just decided to take the path of least resistance because if I'm an all-in-one, "all-in-one" meaning I'm all about things cats, crime shows, and love, but also equal parts single, 20-something, and lady... surely other all-in-ones are out there, too. Surely. (Hopefully.) Thus, an all-in-one post here making it easy for all you glorious, global genius-readers of mine.

E N J O Y !

#1 HOMICIDE HUNTER MY MY MY MUG SIGNED BY JOE KENDA
$25 via DiscoveryChannel.com

UM, AUTOGRAPHED BY THE JOE KENDA?! #YESPLEASE! Not only is Joe Kenda the national crime-fighting treasure of our country world, he's basically the ID Channel's legend of all legends. I mean, for the price of one (1) Cinemark-NorthPark movie ticket and bag of popcorn (the size of a toddler's knee cap, BTW) you could instead be saying "My My My!" with the limited edition My My My Mug. I don't know how else to express my feelings on this priceless gift besides listing it at numero uno. My only other wish was that the My My My Mug came in My My My Wine Glass version as well; which I expressed very well to the Discovery online store people. (Because that's how much I love ya, JDL, so you're welcome!)


#2 LEACHCO SNOOGLE TOTAL BODY PILLOW
$60 via Amazon.com

If you want to gift warmth, love, and support (literally and figuratively speaking) to that 25-year-old single niece of yours, here ya go! No massive Alaskan husky or lover-man-friend-boy-thing to nap with? Worry no more! As long as it's ordered in the mauve color pictured above, and not the other khaki, white, and gray colors offered, for obvious 20-something lady reasons, the Snoogle Pillow will solve your homegirl's problem* instantly!  [ *Disclaimer - It is not advised that Snoogle be used, given, and/or expected as a permanent and/or professional solution (i.e. therapists, Lexapro, Patti Stanger individuals, etc.) to any assumed single lady or single-something problem(s). ] 


#3 THE CRAZY CAT LADY GAME
$20 via Amazon.com

Gah. Talk about an A++ for this one. I mean, really, does this even need a sales pitch? I think not. And if you think so, well, we can't all be #blessed, so perhaps it's best you click out of here and on to Google to search the word 'humor' and read all about it.


#4 CRAZY CAT LADY COLORING BOOK
$8 via Amazon.com

Coloring book therapy is all the craze currently so not only is this the cheapest coloring book I've found, it's also the most GENIUS because it involves cats and we all know animals are natural therapists, so this one's a double whammy. Heck, you don't even need an excuse like the holidays to gift this to someone!


#5 HOMICIDE HUNTER FLAT KENDA
$10 via DiscoveryChannel.com

Again, this one's a no-brainer, folks. See #1 for any confusion re: this mini cardboard cut-out of The Honorable Joe Kenda. My desk needs it. Your desk needs it. Really, all of our desks need it. 



Because only a 20-something "cat lady" could get away with wearing this remarkable piece of clothing. Sure, it's kinda lame that with such a hefty price tag no cat is included. But then again, Unihabitat is a Japanese company with a website written only in Japanese, so, I mean, for all I know a cat may be included in all the fine print. Regardless, major snaps to Stephen Messenger of The Dodo animal website-blog for this groundbreaking piece of journalism, and a major thanks to my fabulous co-worker/friend, Christine Lara, for sharing it with me! Now we all can have this Japanese work of art philanthropic, multi-purposed wardrobe staple in our closets! 

You ask, "Why?" 
I ask, "Why the H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks Not?!"



Why this doesn't come in the form of a precious angel tree topper is beyond me, but this'll do for now. 





...




Yet another remarkable and stunning piece meant for any 'Death & Destruction' fanatics' and/or long-haired cat ladies' wardrobes!



#11 NETFLIX

Duh. 




So evidently this "Garden of Wishes flower kit" comes with six different kinds of seeds, all with special meanings, and basically the instructions say to give 'em water and sunlight, and then watch all your wishes come true. Alas, I am *the* target consumer for junk like this because what would I have to lose burying seeds that could potentially bloom a husband, 2016 Escalade, miniature pony farm, Nutella trees, lifetime Poppin product supply, and a smorgasbord of overflowing Barclays accounts for me? Nada. 




Who doesn't love Pac-Man?! (Well, let's be honest, I'm sure someone on my Match.com app, actually...) Entertainment not only for the cat but also the cat mom and/or single lady, am I right? Really, though, relationship status means nothing here because even the lads of all my taken ladies would agree that this would be one of the most expensive best gifts ever!      



For obvious reasons.  




The single, 20-something girl's DREAM. All of the 408,220,376 'Adventures of Mary-Kate & Ashley' tapes and Disney classics in DVD format just waiting to be marathon-ed away...   



Oh how I pray for the day I finally get one of these... By far this is one of the best stocking stuffer gifts out there, folks! 




Because all 20-somethings need lots of sleep and deserve to have the best ZZZs all day, 'er day. 




Hammacher Schlemmer hit the jackpot with this one! I'd almost be willing to fork my own $70 over for one of these just so I could be the most annoying person at the holiday parties, and then every get-together thereafter. Also what cat wouldn't love this?! Numerous uses here, folks! And for less than a hundred buckaroos! 



 

I've wanted this thing since for as long as I can remember. Because who needs a boyfriend if you've got a singing gondolier man instead? No pool? No prob. I think he'd look just fine on any apartment balcony or townhouse stoop. 




Oh, mylanta! I may have to sell some books at the Half Price, but it'd so be worth it for my baby girls back home, Phoebe Gail and Dixie Bell! 



A set of two would be great for anybody! One on the left bedside table for pet treats, and one on the right bedside table full of Trader Joe's Mini-Peanut Butter Cups. #YesPlease 



Now I'm just getting to the point where I'm listing things that I want. I'm single so I definitely could use this at home and not feel judged by anyone but my pet fish. 



Oh, boy... I'd treat anyone to a Yellowstone camping trip who'd be willing to rough it with me in this gem! 



Beautiful. Just beautiful. The things I could do with this thing on White Rock Lake... #MyHeartWillGoOn #AlongWithMyWishList 



I'm sorry, but everyone needs a dashboard Jesus. Really, we do. Not only do I love the Big Man but I'd also love the reminder He'd portray to any ticket-hungry Dallas PD officers that, hey, we all make mistakes, and we all should be forgiven, instead of written [up].


Courtesy of Giphy.com


more 20-something ramblings - by mallory nutt - @malloryjn - www.malloryjn.blogspot.com ©