Sunday, March 15, 2015

24 Things I Learned At 24 (As Told Through 'Titanic' GIFs)...

So my birthday's coming up in some 70-something days or rather and basically I'll be a 25-year-old. Well, not basically, I will be a 25-year-old. For me this age is like a slippery slope. Smack in the middle of the roaring twenties, 25, I feel, is sort of that tipping point where you gotta start thinking about getting it together, and on a somewhat-serious scale, too, you know? Or so I presume. What "it" is I don't know. Hopefully I'm wrong; as I was proven wrong many a time during this past year (of which seemed like a lightyear) as a 24-year-old. And, so, these are some of the irrelevant things I learned as dramatized appropriately: 

1. At some point or another there will be an eHarmony profile created after a night (or ten) of too much cab sauv and 'Titanic.'
2. Having a pet fish (that may or may not be named Oprah Fancy Pants), and being incredibly attached to it, isn't distress signal for "emotionally unstable cat lady" but rather humanitarian effort also cheaper than the hourly of any Dallas therapist.  

3. There are two types of fellow 20-somethings when it comes to politics: those who care and those who couldn't care less. Being neither, and remaining secretly informed but secretly passionate about keeping public and private two separate things is okay, too. And generally better for the sake of karma/energy/aging/wrinkles/etc. 
4. Recording '19 Kids and Counting' isn't something to be ashamed of anymore because living in denial over the fact that the Duggars' are happier than you'll ever be on even the best of the RX best isn't worth it. Oh, and, having the tater tot casserole recipe on the fridge is called being cultured, duh.

5. The hot mess dudebros and sloppy sistas you went to college with suddenly start having professional headshots on the LinkedIn; some next to an overly-exaggerated title not even Richard Branson would boast but whatever because hey, it's LinkedIn, and who really cares.  

6. Doing the whole eating healthy diet thing starts seeming like a good idea, but it honestly just stays an idea. Like kale. WHO ACTUALLY LIKES KALE?! Nutella! Always!
7. Tweeting passive-aggressive things doesn't happen anymore due to newfound levels of maturity, but the hundreds of snarky rants in the drafts... totally normal and healthy. 

8. Pets ARE kids. Being a dog mom or cat mom is just as important as being a human mom. Or mom of a human, I guess. Anyway, telling yourself that everyone truly adores the holiday cards of you surrounded by your furry babies is not delusional, it's called self-motivation. And #SingleMomProbs.
9. It doesn't matter how many "MISS/LOVE YOUR FACE! I WANNA VISIT YOU SOON!" tweets or posts you and/or your friends are tagged in chances are not a single trip will be made. By anybody. Post-grad years are just weird, we're learning this. But it's fun to keep dreaming it online! -_-

10. Splurging on half the current $1 books at HPB after a day's work is deserved because savings accounts (heck, monthly bills, full tanks of gas, groceries, etc.) can wait 'til next time. #Priorities  
11. You will 'like' a post on the Facebook at least once a day of someone either getting engaged, married, or pregnant, or all of the above. An eye-roll or "bless her little heart" mumble guaranteed to subsequently follow the 'like' typically provides relief from the confusion, though. 

12. Food and wine takes priority over purchases like new clothes or jewelry at any time. Nordy's shoe section on a Sunday? Meh, maybe next quarter. Bistro N after 5PM on any day of the week? Done and done. Again... #Priorities 

13. Having several classy coffee table books over wine/wine etiquette is crucial for keeping (ego) spirits high since Two Buck Chuck tends to be the only bottle ever taking up space in the kitchen. 
14. Right now half of the best friends love their jobs more than puppies and kittens while the other half are in miserable professional hell. It's part of the territory, y'all. Alas, experiencing both during this past year has provided me with *enough* perspective (and more importantly, the humor/humility) needed to write this half-assed joke of a "life lessons" post. 

15. A tiny bit of shame and self-disgust will form upon finding yourself at a college bar because obviously 19-year-olds are wild baboons compared to 24-year-olds with knee joints and nap time snores of Grandpa Joe. (Willy Wonka reference there, folks.) 

16. Experiencing heartburn and/or acid reflux from a growing list of random foods is now a routine part of daily life. Embarrassing and sad, but true.
17. Also buying TUMS... it's like buying milk or bread... because what else is going to get you through the day after a Netflix marathon in bed with, of course, Two Buck Chuck and Papa John's? I could be the new face of TUMS/acid reflux disease for young people. 

18. Curiously browsing Craigslist for a new roommate "for funsies" feels and is adventurous (forever thanks to Lifetime's 'Craiglist Killer' for this) but essentially is an act of desperation at times because needs, and emotions. Ugh... 20-something emotions...

19. Speaking of emotions... there is no better time to lose your mind, morality, sanity, decency, stability, etc. because there is no more appropriate age to have the quarter-life crisis at than at 24-years-old. 
20. Sometimes-dreadful conversations with your mom begin to revolve around responsible topics like the joke that is BCBS health insurance for doctor appointments resulting from recently acquired old people ailments, such as high blood pressure or whacky thyroids causing menopausal hot flashes, or the boring banking and finance mumbo jumbo nagging that never ceases to exist... kind of like the #20SomethingProbs that also never cease to exist... weird... 

21. Pulling all-nighters like all-nighters pulled every other week in college isn't a thing that exists. Nope. College kids: enjoy your body's current stamina, for the 24-year-old struggle is all too real when in addition to ADHD meds, hourly Nutella spoonfuls and 7-11 coffees one day just stop doing the trick. 

22. While thoughts of what adulthood really might be like as opposed to whatever this is right now, and/or if it's actually real-life adulthood, occur frequently, but are irrelevant in the long run, no? 
23. In reality, I may be the poster child for #20SomethingProbs but life is fun. It is. The good times are right now. I'm aware of this. 

24. And in the scheme of things, life at 24 wasn't much different than previous life at 23. Soon-to-be life at 25 won't be much different than it is now at 24 either, I suppose. Nevertheless, learning to rid the crazy expectations for every year I age is something I'll still be blogging about at 50, I'm sure. 

*gifs courtesy of