Monday, March 30, 2015

11 Ways The New TSA Bans Describe Grumpy Cat, Judge Judy, Ferris Bueller, & Myself As Terrorists...

I'll be traveling to Santa Fe in July for a week of family vacation, so tonight I decided to browse current flight deals, right? Well, I didn't find any fabulous deals, no shocker there. But, I did find all kinds of tweets mocking TSA's latest PR disaster formally titled, 'Signs You Might Be a Terrorist.' While the "points" are ridiculous to an extent they're nothing of surprise considering the source, responsible for posts like this:


Anywho, apparently I need to work on my involuntary bodily functions because my current whistling, yawning, and/or eye gazing styles could best be described as exaggerated... definitely awkward... but surely not awkward to the point of being terroristic. However, I find comfort in knowing the gems below (all of whom are examples demonstrating how NOT to be/live/exist/do/express on TSA turf, as per TSA) will keep me company in TSA's terrorist lounge so it's all good. 

SIGN OF A TERRORIST #1: EXAGGERATED YAWNING

SIGN OF A TERRORIST #2: EXAGGERATED GESTURES

SIGN OF A TERRORIST #3: EXAGGERATED THROAT CLEARING

SIGN OF A TERRORIST #4: EXAGGERATED IMPROPER ATTIRE 

SIGN OF A TERRORIST #5: EXAGGERATED HAND-RUBBING

SIGN OF A TERRORIST #6: EXAGGERATED GAZING

SIGN OF A TERRORIST #7: EXAGGERATED WHISTLING 

SIGN OF A TERRORIST #8: EXAGGERATED PALE FACE OR BEARD OR SOMETHING 

SIGN OF A TERRORIST #9: EXAGGERATED GROOMING GESTURES

SIGN OF A TERRORIST #10: EXAGGERATED SWEATING

And last but not least, an exaggerated collection of my favorite terrorist tick of all... 


SIGN OF A TERRORIST #11: EXAGGERATED OPEN, WIDE, AND/OR STARING EYES 






*gifs courtesy of giphy.com 

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

24 Karat Gold: My Favorite Lyrical Gems From Rock & Roll Queen Stevie Nicks...

It's no secret that I love Fleetwood Mac. And/or that I love Stevie Nicks even more. So in honor of my soul sister's latest album, '24 Karat Gold: Songs From The Vault...' rather than bore you with 24 paragraphs on why I'm obsessed with the queen of rock, her music, and (most importantly) her lyrics, I'll instead post my favorite Stevie life quotes. There's even a handful of song classics thrown in there between all the words of wisdom. You're welcome. 

Your graciousness is what carries you. It isn’t how old you are, how young you are, how beautiful you are, or how short your skirt is. What it is, is what comes out of your heart. If you are gracious, you have won the game.
You said getting revenge is one reason it's good to be a writer..." -- "Yes, but you also have to be kind. Just because a relationship ended badly, and shitty things happened, you cannot tell that to the world. But you can write a song about it, in three verses and a bridge and a chorus, that tells the really magical moments.
You usually don't write songs about being super happy... When you write a song or a book, it's usually when someone walks away. I think that's the first moment you start to think about it not working out and you start to write. 

…To understand that things are taken away from you very fast and there’s nothing you can do. And you should really take advantage of people while they’re here because so quickly they can be gone. And friendship. And what friendship means. And what real love and real friendship means.


There are dreamers and there are realists... I am a dreamer.”


What has Rock and Roll ever done for us? Everything.


If I’ve learned nothing else, it’s that time passes and anger doesn’t do you much good. Something that seems really bad today is going to be better next week. And things you think are never going to go away soften with time.


There is a part of me that has to depend on fantasy, because if you can't be somewhat of a fantasy person, then you can't write.

My generation fought very hard for feminism, and we fought very hard to not be labeled as you had to have a husband or you had to be in a relationship, or you were somehow not a cool chick. And now I’m seeing that start to come around again, where people say to you, ‘Well, what do you mean you don’t have a boyfriend? You don’t want to have one? You don’t want to be married?’ And you’re like, ‘Well, no, I don’t, actually. I’m fine.’ And they find a lot of reasons why you’re not fine. But it just seems to be coming back. Being able to take care of myself is something that my mom really instilled in me. I can remember her always saying, ‘If nothing else, I will teach you to be independent.’ 
If I’m not vulnerable, I won’t ever write any more songs about vulnerability and then what am I doing? I need to help people. I need to make people believe that it's alright to be vulnerable and to be a little na├»ve and to still be sweet and kind and good.


There were times when I was between twenty and twenty-seven  when I joined Fleetwood Mac  that my dad would say, ‘How long are you going to do this? You have no money, you’re not happy, you work constantly, you work at restaurants, you clean houses, you get sick very easily, you’re living in Los Angeles, you don’t have any friends, why are you doing this?’ And I would just say, ‘Because it’s just what I came here to do.’


I think if you are really into words and poetry and situations of life, there is always a little kiss of sadness on everything you do… It’s just the kind of person who I am. I always look carefully beneath the outward appearance of things. I want to know what’s really going on in somebody’s heart.”

If you listen to the words to Bella Donna, you will realize that I’m not writing about a beautiful woman, I’m writing about the possibility of any woman not being beautiful anymore... And the woman becomes tired and the woman disappears. And you never thought your face would become thin, but it did. And it scared me. And I didn’t like it.  And I decided that I had to go out and do something alone without everybody that had surrounded me for a long time. And Bella Donna is really the symbol of that and when you turn over the album and it says ‘come in out of the darkness,’ was telling myself to come in out of the darkness. And it was a decision whether or not to remain in the darkness or not. And that’s really the significance of Bella Donna.


People really lose it when you sing "I'm getting older too" in "Landslide." Yet you were so young when you wrote that song..." -- "I was only 27 — 
I wrote that in 1973, a year before I joined Fleetwood Mac. You can feel really old at 27.





*quotes/articles/images courtesy of: 
http://www.billboard.com/articles/news/6266329/stevie-nicks-interview-on-don-henley-fleetwood-mac-24-karat-gold-album
http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/stevie-nicks-fleetwood-mac-twirling-drugs-lindsey-buckingham-20141002
http://stevienicksofficial.com/news/233183
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/3667803/Stevie-Nicks-a-survivors-story.html
www.google.com
www.youtube.com
www.stevienicks.com

15 Reasons We Should All Aspire To Be Ramona Singer...

1. MAINTAINING LUNG HEALTH IS OF IMPORTANCE TO RAMONA. 
2. SHE'S VERY INTUITIVE.  
3. MASTER IN TAKING SHOTS GRACEFULLY & UNAPOLOGETICALLY. 
4. SHE'S AN ACTRESS. NATURALLY BLESSED WITH A TALENT IN PROVIDING A+ GIF MATERIAL. 
5. HYGIENE IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS LUNG HEALTH TO HER.
6. SHE DRINKS RESPONSIBLY BY CHECKING FOR ROOFIES.
7. SHE DRINKS RESPONSIBLY FOR HER FRIENDS, TOO, BY CHECKING FOR ROOFIES.
8. JUST CALL HER DR. RAMONA SINGER, M.D. BECAUSE SHE'S BASICALLY A DOCTOR.
9. PROUD OF HER COUNTRY, RAMONA IS THE ALL-AROUND AMERICAN GIRL. 
10. SHE KNOWS LIFE ISN'T ALWAYS A JULY 4TH PARTY, THOUGH. FOR HER, EXPRESSING EMOTION INDICATES STRENGTH. EVEN IN PUBLIC, ON RANDOM MATTRESSES, ACADEMY AWARD-WINNING STYLE. 
11. WITH PIANO TEACHER POSTURE & FOCUS, RAMONA DEFINES THE #NOREGRETS MOVEMENT BY LIVING UPPER EAST SIDE LIFE FEARLESSLY.

12. JUST CALL HER RAMONA DESCARTES BECAUSE SHE'S JUST SO WISE.

13. AND KNOWS SHE'S WHITE, APPARENTLY. 

14. LIKE ANY GREAT LEADER, RAMONA HAS A SINGER SOLUTION FOR YOUR PROBLEMS, BECAUSE...

15. "HEY, WE ALL HAVE OUR VICES."

*gifs courtesy of giphy.com

Saturday, March 21, 2015

20 Lady Comics Born To Be The Next Face Of America's $20 Bill...

I've recently come across several articles debating our cash money's greatly-needed facelifts, specifically the $20 bill, considered up until now as former President and Native American hater Andrew Jackson's turf. It's obviously a given I agree a woman should supersede 'ole Andy J (of whom ironically also opposed the paper currency concept like some Negative Nancy!) and/or at least be on some form of our flailing currency, at minimum. It's time. Don't wanna hear the historical mumbo jumbo "aspects" of giving our sisters some printed lovin.' 

Additionally, I believe the face-to-replace should know about humor, because ya know, laughter and top-notch skill in funny is paramount. So while I absolutely support Women On 20s mission to put ladies on the loot, I'm (actually) passionately championing for my screen gem faves below to wind up on something. Alas, shall we never get to experience Knope notes or Tina tender I guess there's comfort in knowing my angel baby Phoebe's already channeling her inner-Washington: 


Here they are...

1. BETTY WHITE- No explanation needed. 

2. AMY JELLICOE- Enlightened, like the founding fathers. 












3. LESLIE KNOPE- Why she's not already made it onto her own bill, I'll never know. 












4. PHOEBE BUFFAY- Smelly change FTW.
















5. JENNA MARONEY- This rebel could take turns on the penny with Abe, no?















6. LIZ LEMON- Again, no explanation needed. 














7. DETECTIVE MULLINS- Obvi. 


















8. ROSE DEWITT BUKATER- Again, obvi. 




















9. D.W. REED- My 90's childhood hero, folks. 




















10. WEDNESDAY ADDAMS- She'd be super fun on anything, right?













11. LUCY RICARDO- At least put this one on a permanent stamp... 













12. ANNIE WALKER- Face deserving of the "rare" $2 bill.


















13. PHYLLIS NEFLER-Okay, put this one on a Trefoil box instead. 















14. LIZZIE MCGUIRE- LOLZ. 

















15. SECRETARY GRACE- How sweet would she be on like a $5 or $10... 













16. HANNAH HORVATH- If there was a 2-cent coin, it'd be hers. 














17. JUNO MCGUFF- Just kidding. 
















18. MERYL STREEP- Again, national treasure status, no explanation needed. 














19. NANCY BOTWIN- Prime candidate for only larger bills, of course. 













20. ALICE BRADY- What about the dime? Alice on a dime?  














*all images courtesy of www.google.com