Sunday, August 10, 2014

12 Ways Dallas Traffic Ruins My Life...

Here's the thing... I'm so stinking excited for my BFF to roll into town this afternoon from Houston that I can't even sit still or be productive today. Naturally I'm releasing the energy via my phalanges on the Macbook; I've greatly enjoyed expressing my strong feelings on Dallas's traffic debacle through the snarky rants below. So, by all means, rejoice in 'em yourself:


1) WHEN AN OUT-OF-STATE CAR IDIOT IS ACTUALLY DRIVING THE 60MPH ON US-75... 



2) WHEN THE HP HOUSEWIFE ON HER IPHONE IS BLOCKING THE SNIDER PLAZA ENTRANCE OFF LOVERS LANE IN HER 2014 LEXUS LX...



3) WHEN YOU'RE HEADING ANY DIRECTION AT ALL ON NORTHWEST HIGHWAY AT ANY TIME OF THE GOD-FORSAKEN DAY... 



4) WHEN THE DART LIGHTS START FLASHING DURING RUSH HOUR & THAT ONE INCONSIDERATE A-HOLE KEEPS DRIVING THROUGH... 



5) WHEN AN IDIOT UNFAMILIAR WITH DEEP ELLUM TRIES TO BLOW THROUGH THE LEFT TURN LIGHT ONTO COMMERCE STREET OFF GOOD LATIMER & BREAKS START SQUEALING LIKE A SEAL... 



6) WHEN A DRUNK IDIOT UNFAMILIAR WITH DEEP ELLUM GOES THE WRONG WAY DOWN THE COMMERCE STREET ONE-WAY... 



7) WHEN AN HP OR UP COP GIVES YOU THE SULTRY "GO OVER 30MPH, I DARE YOU..." LOOK EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF THE DAY... 



8) WHEN IDIOTS TRY TO GET FROM KLYDE WARREN TO DOWNTOWN BY JAYWALKING WOODALL ROGERS, AS OPPOSED TO SENSIBLY USING THE HARWOOD OR OLIVE ST. CROSSWALK; BUT DON'T THINK FOR A SECOND I HIT THOSE BREAKS... 



9) WHEN NOBODY GOING EAST ON KNOX USES THEIR TEXAS MANNERS TO LET YOU SAFELY BACK OUT OF THE APPLE STORE/WILD ABOUT HARRY'S SH*TTY STREET PARKING SPACES... 



10) WHEN THE DOUCHE LORD STROLLING DOWNTOWN IN THE SLS GT COULDN'T SEEM TO GET A BLINKER WITH HIS $220K RIDE... 



11) 635. JUST 635 EVER. THAT IS ALL...



12) WHEN ALL YOU WANT IS SOME TRULUCK'S CHOCOLATE CAKE & YOU MIRACULOUSLY MAKE IT DOWN UPTOWN/MCKINNEY WITHOUT A) HITTING A DUMB, DRUNK BROAD, B) HITTING A DUMB, DRUNK BROAD WITH YOUR CAR, AND/OR C) GETTING HIT BY AN IRATE TAXI DRIVER... 




*Gifs courtesy of Giphy.com