I just finished paying the 200th citation rudely littered on my windshield by the parking trolls of Deep Ellum last week. They're savage beasts roaming 24/7, I tell you. They can sniff out me and my GMC the moment we hit Commerce Street. My many attempts in becoming their favorite "funny, white-girl friend" have failed miserably. No Oscar Award-winning acts of charming B.S. can fool Gary and Glenda, the two names assigned just now to the duo you'll never catch smiling; let alone introducing their names as they're slapping bright yellow envelopes on dashes.
www.resolvemycitation.com being bookmarked in Safari. I'm actually more mad than an Alaskan bear who's peaceful cave echoes the screeching of Sarah Palin. Because I'm in Deep Ellum four times a week at minimum. And usually during odd morning hours or post-work evenings when the lots are 85% empty! I'm going on month six of practically living at the Dallas Comedy House. I'm a law-abiding taxpayer (I think) frequently spending at Deep Ellum establishments; if we want to get all microeconomics here, the Dallas economy wins more long-term if I'm allowed to enjoy a Glazed bacon cronut or St. Pete's fry without fear of being fined. Or is it macroeconomics? Dunno. But Milton Friedman sure as heck would agree that Gary and Glenda need to take it down a notch.
However, I recently discovered a free parking lot within safe walking distance to DCH. I have to carry a box cutter when merely walking ten feet down there at night, so the free parking ten miles down the road will never happen. And this free space, technically for Free Man and Twisted Root customers only, as indicated by a very visible sign, is/was glorious. But if you ain't parked by 5:45PM, you ain't gettin' a spot. Trust me. They're rare, coveted gems. So new challenges were presented this past April when I started writing class on Main Street. It's best to park in the other $5.00 lot next to the free lot, sitting between Main and Commerce, but is also conveniently trunchbulled by Glenda. (Google map it for a better visual.) But after two tickets in one week (I always sprint from my car to DCH to avoid the street hecklers.) I realized if I purchased the unethical $5 printed ticket, and moved it around on my dash, obviously kept upside down so as to not reveal old time stamps, one can avoid Glenda's radar pretty well.
Alas, when in doubt, just look for neon Glenda or Golf carting-Gary, my friend. Aside from half my yearly salary probably funding the Parking Company of America CEO's Galveston condo, I think I'm also entitled to a VIP parking pass due to the lots residing on Deep Ellum roads either in unnecessary construction, or dire need of construction.