Sunday, June 15, 2014

To Those Worried About My Finances...


Tonight I had someone at post-Father's day dinner/drinks say, "How do you give that kind of tip while unemployed?!" and ya know what, as a mannered, Southern woman I just gave the "God bless you" look and politely responded with, "let's not worry about that," as only an inexperienced lady would say that. I said at that very moment to myself that I wouldn't blog about this but you know what, I'm blogging about it. Because A) I will always give more to someone working in retail tip-wise, and B) I'm sick of being scrutinized by those who do not know me for my spending habits.
Here's the situation... from the moment that I could speak I was selling something. My bullsh*tter charm has gotten me more places than most. Whether it was "Frogs and Turtles by Mallory" for sale from the many lakes of my East Texas hometown or the ridiculous Lisa Frank bookmarks I created on my super-cheap Microsoft laptop from 2001; printed, laminated, and sold to my gullible classmates for $1.25-$2.25 each, I was making money from the get-go. And my parents and grandparents (both small-business owners) were proud of my natural tendencies. I know how to find a customer, and keep 'em. Without taking any clothing off.

I've been babysitting since I was nine and have saved every dime from Christmas, birthdays, you-name-it since I was old enough to have a savings account. Eleven years old, to be exact. And I never spent a dollar while my younger sister blew every penny on all kinds of dumb things. I invested every single dime in stocks, bonds, CDs, and various other portfolios because that was my "thing" as a dorky weirdo obsessed with reading the daily stocks (just ask my hometown librarian, Mrs. Andresen) stuck in a small town. And that's why I have the savings account that I have now. Along with a few years of hard work at horrible retail/corporate jobs. My money is only to be spent on education or travel. Period. And if that involves Tiff's Treats or Blood & Honeys or a tip to a nice waiter, so be it. Those who are curious about why I tip waiters/waitresses intrigue me, though... I kind of wish I could give a finance/morals class to 'em, honestly...

And this is a passive-aggressive post because my true friends have never questioned me nor will they ever. They also don't care. My parents and grandparents taught me how to manage the moolah and despite a Badgley Mischka beige alligator tote being the first "big" pre-SMU purchase, this momma knows what she's doing. We shall not worry. Let's just enjoy life and worry about, well, nothing. Because worrying ain't good for nobody. If you are worried, especially about my Benjamins, take an improv class at DCH or enroll in therapy. Or start selling bookmarks. Or reading and investing. Doesn't matter if you're a girl. Just be smart and make yourself some money because nobody else will in this world.