Wednesday, June 11, 2014

St. Pete's Dancin' Marlin & McDonald's President...

So our sketch homework for the sixth and second to last *cue Janet Leigh shocked shower face* writing class at the DCH was a two page, two person scene with all of the goodies like format, characters, dialogue, setting, etc., and the goal of making it blatantly obvious who everyone was, what they were doing, and perhaps even who they were sleeping with, whatever was to float our boats, just without stating the actual deets. So we all got different character prompts last night, and was told to keep our pie holes shut as we would be reading them in class.

*Spoiler Alert* Clearly the challenge is/was to be concise and write good enough so that everyone knows what the heck is going on. At least I think. And if you've ever read anything of mine you know that I'm not one at a loss of words. I just really like adjectives. And using 'And' to start a sentence. And the two fools I was prompted with was a mailman and the McDonald's President...  Clearly I was going to have a blast with this but picking one premise to go with was hard, as the possibilities were endless, like the calories I receive when putting away McD fries.

I wasn't sure who I wanted to be the weirdo or the straight character because I've never met a mailman I didn't like. But I stuck 'em in Georgia and didn't get too crazy. Jose was the creepy mailman transferred to McDonald's CEO Jeff Stratton's fancy Buckhead neighborhood, a fine suburb of Atlanta, and he was obsessed with finding a CEO dudebro. So basically Jose saw an Equinox member flyer in Stratton's mail, got a free 7-day pass, went when Stratton was there "coincidentally," and acted like they were BFFs for life. Stratton didn't remember him obviously until Jose described the silk robe Stratton wears at 6AM getting the paper. After curiously asking if Jose was an initiated member Jose informs him that "due to the new Harvey Milks not selling so well" he was doing a blue-collar trial despite trying to live the life of a CEO. Eventually Jose joked to Stratton about how he heard Dan Cathy also visited the gym but ignorantly remarked that "he probably won't be spotted if any homos are around," of which sophisticated Stratton ignored, as his cardio sesh was almost done. Finally, Jose unknowingly confirms his fast-food CEO stalker status when claiming that Burger King's Danny Schwartz wasn't friendly or nice like Jose's mancrush Stratton, and he admitted to not liking their sliders or latest crinkle fries. At which point Stratton's only instinct was to GTFO, in cordial CEO manner of course, but Jose was oblivious to his dudebro Jeff's realization as Jose tells him not to worry about his Sunday paper because, "special people get special service." and The End. Weird, yeah? But much more fun than being productive. Also here's to hoping (and assuming) nobody from class reads this before 6:30PM.

Speaking of being productive, I'm presently posted up at St. Pete's. Again. Trying to memorize my monologue but it's just so pretty outside and I love people watching and blogging meaningless fun facts, so I get a D in effort today. But no patio this time because I got HALF a sunburn last week on my face, which thankfully my equally embarrassing, two week-old, ratchet spray tan is more noticeable now so it's all good. SPDM is my new favorite joint though as I tend to become a regular at rare gems I find and like, and I'm a big fan of knowing who works at the joints I frequent. And the Dancin' Marlin staff has been nothing but accommodating every time I visit. We're also recent Twitter friends so that sealed the deal aside from everyone here having extremely good customer service.
Last but not least, I decided this week to change my Facebook pic every day to one of my favorite TV show/movie characters. A) It's probably annoying to my friends and maybe even weird, but it's a lot less narcissistic, and B) I have so many of them that this could potentially continue into 2015. I'm secretly obsessed with the perfect scene shots of actors/actresses' faces, not headshots but the ones on here, and that I tweet to describe how I feel sarcastically, and the ones I respond to my friends' texts with. I could google memes all day. Seriously if that could be my day job oh dear God I would be so good. So Monday was Ferris Bueller, Tuesday was Amy from Enlightened, today is about to be Hannah Horvath, and the rest of the week will be a surprise, if even only to me or my Facebook stalkers.

Okay, I just ran into Chad Haught here, a super cool dude and the Director of DCH so I'm going to attempt to memorize my stuff and morph into Sage, even though I have huge pearls in right now and a bun and don't feel very Sage-y today. In fact, I'll admit, I'm effing sick of her after the countless hours spent developing her the past few weeks. Oy vey.