Now I'm not saying this condescendingly because this gabber sounds like buckets of fun. She's definitely the 50-something who kicks ass on the DCC tennis court and Crystal Charity Ball dance floor. I mean five minutes ago she boldly stated, "I just don't like pork chops! Nope. Never have." And I was like hell yeah, sister! You tell 'em! Earlier she couldn't stop laughing (by herself) for always having to eat her peas and mashed potatoes together. Because that's how she grew up eating 'em! Don't ya know?! And her friend continues to just sip her large fountain drink with a lid. She probably has whiskey in there. And if she doesn't she will soon because now Marjorie (that's what I'm calling the entertaining housewife) is advising the friend on how to be a disciplining parent in 2014. "Times way different than when they grew up!" Oy vey. Here we go. A Dr. Phil session. Sweet Lord I'm gonna have to toss this Dr. Pepper I'm sipping on and go back inside for some vino. Just kidding. They're going to leave soon because they didn't get any food. Who knows.
So, now that I've forgotten everything I wanted to write re: my favorite writers/humans and can only think about pork chops and peas, I'll just insert a few of my favorite Megan Amram tweets. For those who aren't familiar, Megan is a writer on Parks & Rec (my all-time favorite) and the Kroll Show, among others. She's also hilarious on Twitter.
God making man in his image was the original selfie— Megan Amram (@meganamram) June 5, 2014
My stomach looks like when you leave a jack o lantern out till November 26— Megan Amram (@meganamram) May 16, 2014
Nancy Grace is what would happen if a Caps Lock key came to life— Megan Amram (@meganamram) April 30, 2014
Don't have money for a cab so I keep calling ambulances and telling them I feel better when I'm close to my destination— Megan Amram (@meganamram) February 5, 2014
The American Dream is being asked to gain weight for a role— Megan Amram (@meganamram) October 9, 2013
Is the age of consent for dogs 18 or 2.572?? (Need to know ASAP)— Megan Amram (@meganamram) September 24, 2013
RT if you use social media to distract yourself from your impending mortality or you like ice cream— Megan Amram (@meganamram) September 16, 2013
"Cotillion" sounds like a fake number— Megan Amram (@meganamram) September 6, 2013
Pandora thinking I want to hear a Coldplay song should count as cyberbullying— Megan Amram (@meganamram) August 13, 2013