Saturday, June 21, 2014

megan amram, eatzi's ranch dressing, & a housewife...

I'm currently posted up at the Eatzi's off Lemmon because I've been craving one of their salads for the longest and Ewing practice this AM created an appetite. And by golly I've gone to town on my mixed greens with salmon, cheese, carrots, cucumber, and egg doused in ranch. Healthy, right? But oh so good. Their ranch is on an entirely different level. It's divine. I would probably eat it on chocolate cake. It's that perfect. And I was going to blog about a few of my favorite TV show writers today until the universe blessed me with this gem of a Highland Park housewife at the table next to me. You guys... she's a gold mine of character inspiration. Basically she's blabbed about what she likes for the past thirty minutes while her friend sits there, probably daydreaming of a wine barrel to dip her head into or something. I would be.

Now I'm not saying this condescendingly because this gabber sounds like buckets of fun. She's definitely the 50-something who kicks ass on the DCC tennis court and Crystal Charity Ball dance floor. I mean five minutes ago she boldly stated, "I just don't like pork chops! Nope. Never have." And I was like hell yeah, sister! You tell 'em! Earlier she couldn't stop laughing (by herself) for always having to eat her peas and mashed potatoes together. Because that's how she grew up eating 'em! Don't ya know?! And her friend continues to just sip her large fountain drink with a lid. She probably has whiskey in there. And if she doesn't she will soon because now Marjorie (that's what I'm calling the entertaining housewife) is advising the friend on how to be a disciplining parent in 2014. "Times way different than when they grew up!" Oy vey. Here we go. A Dr. Phil session. Sweet Lord I'm gonna have to toss this Dr. Pepper I'm sipping on and go back inside for some vino. Just kidding. They're going to leave soon because they didn't get any food. Who knows.

So, now that I've forgotten everything I wanted to write re: my favorite writers/humans and can only think about pork chops and peas, I'll just insert a few of my favorite Megan Amram tweets. For those who aren't familiar, Megan is a writer on Parks & Rec (my all-time favorite) and the Kroll Show, among others. She's also hilarious on Twitter.