Monday, June 2, 2014

Donating My Eggs...

I've been in bed all day with buckets of snotty tissues and cough drop wrappers all over the place. Not sure where this common cold came from but I'm not a fan. The thing is, I rarely get ill, but DCH prom was this past weekend and I knew that there would be lots of humans in a tight space so I drank Emergen-c all Saturday in hopes of strengthening my immune system just a bit more. Well, Emergen-c, you failed/jinxed me so never will I ever do that again. But I've been doing various writing things all day since my natural position is to be in bed, with two pillows behind my back, macbook on lap, remote to the right next to my leg, and cell phone on my left charging. So, actually, as a product of the tech era this cold has forced me to be more productive.

Anyways, I'm currently on the job hunt and was thinking back on past nanny interviews that I've experienced, how insane some of them were, how some would make great sketches, etc., and then I started reminiscing about all of the crazy things that my friends and I did in college to make extra cash for the many Loon/Milo's/Ozona's nights we cherished oh so much. So I made a list of my most favorite ones...

1. My most favorite memory of Elizabeth Banta ever: We were roomies during SMU summer session 2009 and I was a nanny in between classes to three animals, ages 6 months-3 years. Banta hosted at Truluck's in uptown, which has the BEST chocolate cake on this planet BTW, but the PT hours just weren't doin' it. So Banta signed up to donate her plasma, and as an enabler that supports anything and everything, I supported the hell out of this idea. Not only did Banta have to drive to a sketchy Mesquite neighborhood to do this, but she started to bruise so easily that I'm not kidding when I say that I could poke her arm and a purple bruise the size of a baseball mitt would appear. One day she called me from the lab and asked if I could call her manager at Truluck's to let him know that she wasn't going to make it in because she passed out from donating too much, and had been on a clinic bed for an hour trying to recover; nurses surrounding her, homeless people wondering why this blonde SMU girl in a green beamer was donating plasma in the first place... She sounded like death when she called so I knew that it was semi-serious, even though in retrospect this is funny to me and I plan on telling this story at her wedding. 

2. Once the SMU psych department needed live humans to hook electric wire things all over their bodies for a 30-minute recorded experiment on-campus. The pay was like $50 in Pony bucks, which I could use at the local CVS for all kinds of unnecessary bullsh*t items, so I absolutely signed up! I was stuck in this recliner chair in a tiny Dedman building basement room where I felt like an animal in a cage, and had all kinds of wires on my face, arms, you name it. I had to watch a small TV that displayed all kinds of random images/sounds, like trees and nature and a woman cooking, while the psych gurus tested my emotional/brain responses via the frankenstein-esque wires glued to my skin. It didn't hurt and even though I felt like a test rat/considered becoming an anti-rat-testing advocate for a while, the experience was totally worth it. And FYI, I bought my beloved Santa Snuggie from the CVS with my experiment paycheck. #worthit

3. I lived in the AXO sorority house for two years and we had this closet where older girls would leave unwanted books/notes for everyone to pilfer through. And sometimes girls would chunk random junk in there, including books bought for just casual reading that would otherwise be thrown away or used as a Bud Light coaster. So one of the other house girls and I (she shall remain unnamed for the sake of me not throwing anyone but myself under the bus) decided to take all of the unwanted books to the local Half Price Bookstore for some extra dough. I mean honestly we were just trying to clear the clutter; everyone likes an organized closet, right? And nobody was going to read them anyway. We did a good deed by selling them so that a true bookworm could appreciate the value of those novels instead of them rotting away in a sorority house. And I'll admit, we did this several times, and once we got like $50 for this thick art history dictionary-esque thing, so it was worth it/that one sale made up for the numerous other books we only got maybe $1 back for. Man, I love me some Half Price Bookstore...

4. Here's perhaps the most insane thing that I (attempted to do) in college: Egg donation. Yep. I can't remember how I read/heard about this but the $8k paycheck seemed beautiful and the only thought in my mind was, "WHY NOT?!" I signed up through this egg donor center in Dallas, spent hours filling out online forms/genetic essays, finding the best photos of me from birth and on, had an in-person meeting with the director in this swanky Turtle Creek office, and, of course, went to a sketchy downtown Dallas blood bank facility to have my blood drawn for drug/alcohol/genetic testing purposes. A) My parents had no idea that I was doing this. B) You absolutely cannot have any traces of alcohol or drugs in your system from the blood tests. C) I went to SMU. Need I say more? I'm pretty for sure that I was hungover from a frat party the night before during my blood test meeting so it's evident that my brain cells didn't put two and two together at the time. After all of that, I didn't go forward with the donation process. But ya know, I am a HUGE baby when it comes to donating blood; I've only done it three times in my life and I will bawl and break out in a panic attack when I have to do so. Not sure why. I'm a psycho/paranoid about anything touching my arm veins. So not only was I left with a nasty bruise from the amateur nurse jabbing a needle in my arm for funsies, there was no way in hell that I could've completed the donation process. Google 'egg donation process' and you'll understand.

And for #5, I'm going to save it for another post because I could write stacks of books on my nanny experiences. Not exaggerating here. I have a few other temp job memories I'm fond of but they're borderline embarrassing; I'm not trying to completely ruin my life/reputation with this blog so this is the end for now.

Have a fabulous rest of your week AND DON'T DRINK EMERGEN-C. (also please enjoy this photo of Chelsea Handler and I from #DCHProm2014 below...)