Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Ready For Babies When You Are...

So I've had a few people email/text me recently saying, "oh my God, like you're kinda cynical are you anti-kids?!" or "what, you'd be such a fun mom, why are you so crazy?!" and ya know, A) I politely respond with, well, nothing, because here's the thing... my blog has nothing to do with my basically-child-bride-24-yo-ovaries, floating eggs, children aspirations, etc., and B) No offense, (obviously offense will be taken), but the ones texting me this sh*t clearly do not get my sense of humor and are the "bored ones" just reading for the fun of it.

When have I ever ONCE said that I don't like kids or don't want to have children? Never. That's right. So I'm saying this bluntly because I want kids more than anything in this world. I mean, really, I have way better hair than my sister and I absolutely MUST pass that genetic trait on to my offspring so that they can have cousin cat fights at Christmastime. I also have a way better sense of humor than my sister, along with a way higher drinking tolerance, and a way more fun/hippie-attitude towards life, so why in the hell would I not want to have bookoodles of kiddos to pass those fun things onto...  how thoughtful, right?

I was a nanny all four years of college at SMU and I continue to thank God daily for the angels that he blessed me with in my life. I've had kiddos that lived across from Bush that I used to read Bunny books to sleep at night that called me their mother (that was intense, BTW); I've had full-on Dennis the Menace mother f*ckers that I wanted to murder off 635; I've had incredibly beautiful and intelligent angels sent from God that I babysat every day of my senior year at SMU; Gray, Anna Katherine, and Ashley from HP. I sobbed on my very last day of picking them up from school because they were my babies and I knew them and they knew me and we had so much fun at the park, NorthPark, SMU, the library, whatever, together. I'll never forget picking 'em up in the white suburban from their schools and I took 'em to JD's Chippery to get last-day cookies for being so good; they were in their carseats in the back and we were driving past the now defunct Blockbuster across from SMU law school and I just broke down sobbing and had to pull over. I called my mom crying because I was so sad to leave them; I would never get to nanny them again because my semester was over; I was graduating; it was the end. (no, it wasn't that time of the month, either). My mom started crying and talked me through it, all while the kids were having a blast in the backseat with their cookies and I was slowly starting to think that I was insane.

Turns out... I wasn't insane. I'm not going to justify my tears with the whole "it was a female instinct" bullsh*t because we all have good, "parental," instincts, if we're good humans. I'm not even going to go there on the gender thing. But, I am an extremely sarcastic and cynical and vulgar human. I'm only 24-years-old and I've done/experienced some crazy sh*t so it's only normal with the turf I've been given/you've been given. But, just because I'm 24 and single and refuse to have children until I'm in my 30's and have traveled the world and accomplished my dreams does not mean that I don't want children. I can't wait to have babies of my own. I think about it daily. I want a whole clan and I hope that they're as diverse and funny and as weird as f*cking hell because it's going to be so much fun. I pray to God daily for my own little blessings and I know that one day I'll get there and it'll be great. And as much as I'd love to have little ones of my own right now, I would never do that to a perfect little human. I'm not the best that I can be right now and I would never bring another life into this world if I wasn't 100% ready; a little something that I learned from my own kickass parents.

So, to any of you out there wondering where my "female instinct" is, it's here. Loud and clear. I dream and pray of it daily. And in ten years, it's gonna be freaking amazing because me and my kid are gonna kick you and your kid's ass. It may be only on movie trivia or the ice skating rink or bowling alley, but 'til then, don't worry about me and my ovaries. We're busy doing improv at the DCH and learning life in the 2010's. (Isn't that what we call this era?).